HULA - HOOP

HULA - HOOP


Dear Readers,
While the rockets were falling, I held a contest to find a name for the new war.
After all, we have often seen a name without a war, but we have never seen a war without a name.

Someone immediately suggested, "milhemmet Shalom La-Galeel" which is not bad, especially if someone has just delivered toilet paper to your bomb shelter.

Anyway, here is the site where you can see who won: ( the contest, that is).

http://www.etni.org.il/teachers/barry/Name_That_WarII.doc
http://www.etni.org.il/teachers/barry/Name_That_WarII.doc
===============================================
Notes from I-Told-You-So II New Article Posted 23/8

Just because the rockets have stopped falling down doesnt' mean they've begun falling up.And, another thing, what hit song introduced the musical review by IDF Reservists in south Lebanese Auditoriums last week?And, what is the tune to Frank Zappa's " Dog Breath Variations" and how is it connected to today's news?The answers you are NOT going to find in this article: http://www.etni.org/teachers/barry/Penguins_perish.docBut in the next one, maybe.Barry

Hi everyone.

Here is my latest piece, THE NAME THAT WAR WIENERS

SOON it will be available as a link, but so far it is just a document with all the colour and fonts edited out. But at least you have some thing for shabbat.






Yes, my friends in the studio audience:

Time to announce the winners your favorite game,

NAME
THAT
WAR!!




Update: As you recall, Israel went to war last month so unprepared that the government never remembered to declare it or announce a state of war. So what did we have in the shelter for five weeks? Chopped liver? My liver certainly feels chopped. And so does the rest of me.

Anyway, I'm sure you remember that I was horrified that we were in a war without a name. I've often seen a name without a war but etc etc etc etc…

So I singlehandedly sprang into action and dealt with the emergency in the best way possible. I immediately notified my broker to liquidate all my stocks in anything Israeli or American, and buy Iranian!

No, that was the Chief of Stuff. ( Some of us thought he was made of better stuff than that, but the rest of us knew he was stuffed all along.)
What I did was to announce the contest that would give this war a name. To help you all out, I printed a list of all the military and quasi military wars, operations, campains that we fought in the past. ( Except for some of the covert operations, like Moshe Dayan, Operation Hide the Salami, or the long running Operation Vilify the Patriots.)

So, who won? Not the war, we all know that, unfortunately. (but we did come in second). Who won the 'Name That War' contest?


THIRD PRIZE DAVID DIAMOND, CANADA WITH

"PREPARATION 'H'"
(Hammas, Hizbollah, Hemmoroidal; pains in the rectum all, and the war was supposed to cure them.)

SECOND PRIZE
Goes to RUNDTANZ P KALTVASSER with
"מלחמת חצי גמר"


CONDOLATION PRICE:
Richard Steinetz with

'SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG'

AND, NOW THE WINNER!




' THE TOLD-YA- SO WAR!'
Submitted by B. Arisilv and R. Berg
מלחמת אמרתי'ך

EXCUSE ME SIR.
YES?
I'M FROM 'JACKAL NEWS.' ISN'T THIS NAME ONE YOU MADE UP YOURSELF?
So?
YOU GAVE A CONTEST BUT THE PRIZE WAS RIGGED IN ADVANCE.
SO?
DON'T YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? DID THE MAYOR OF KIRIAT SHMONA HAVE A PROBLEM PUTTING HIS FAMILY, HIS EX WIFE'S FAMILY, AND ALL HIS FRIENDS AND CRONIES INTO 5 STAR HOTELS FOR A MONTH WHILE THE POOR FOLK ROTTED IN SHELTERS?
NO.
DID DAN HALUTZ HAVE A PROBLEM ARRANGING HIS INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO AS THOUSANDS OF SOLDIERS WERE RUSHING TO THE FRONT?
NO.
DID THE SHELTERS OF TSFAT HAVE KEYS?
Well, not really.
See? We're living in an I told-ya so universe!


/BARRY SILVERBERG OUT OF THE SHELTER
KIRIAT SHMONA LITE (ONLY 86%)
18.8

And to all you people in the north who went through hell for five weeks and need posttrauma activities, the government has this for you:





Why does this pastrauma
taste like the same old baloney?

/Barry Silverberg, Kiriat Shmona Lite, 87%



Coming soon: The "Told ya so war" theme song:

To the tune of " Dayenu"

Preview: When we gave back Sinai,
Told ya so, didn’t' I
They'd come back for the whole pie,
1 Told-ya so!
ANGUISHED Chorous:

told ya so, Told ya so, Told ya so, I could have told ya so!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------

THE I-TOLD-YOU SO JOURNAL Wednesday, AUG 9
/ a personal I witness account of the war against the Hizbolla, by Barry Silverberg, on the spot, although the spot is getting hot.

The explosion tears through the walls of the house and tears through your body with a deafening crack, rattling the windows and shoving the doors. You jump, but you're not worried. It's one of ours. Then there's another one: A bursting report followed by an echoing sound, as if superman were flying off to save Metropolis. KAPOW! Wungawungawunga wunga wunga…. .The howitzer batteries deployed not far from our town are firing their 70 kilo shells. They fly way over our heads and into Lebanese territory, where they are providing cover for Israeli military action, or destroying the rocket launchers that have turned our summer into chaos. God guide their flight and give us something in return for this constant noise.

Knowing that its one of ours gives some relief, but as these things pound away hour after hour, day after day, your nerves get worn away. Think of those old comic book sound effects that just burst through the picture.

If you've been following the reports of the war, (the news reports, no pun intended), you've seen that the foreign news people always ask how the locals can tell this friendly, but acrimonious fire from the real rockets that kill us. Ours go BANG whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and theirs go fizzzzzzzzzzzzz BANG. I've had several times when I stuck my nose out the door thinking all was already clear, heard the approaching whizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz and pulled my head in so fast that my glasses and teeth were left in the air and I had to open the door again and grab them back to my face and slam the door again before the BOOM came.

But that is not all. Aside from the shooting of our big guns and the barrages of incoming Katyusha rockets there is also the
siren that goes off whenever the radar
detects that rockets have crossed the border
in our direction.
Almost. Sometime the rockets come in
before the siren, because the border is so
close. Most barrages include a bunch of far
away booms, and two or three that resound with
a mighty clap meaning they've probably hit
the town. Then there are the light aircraft,
crop dusters spraying flame retardant on the
trees to slow the fires down. There are fighter
jets and helicopters in the sky. And there are all
sorts of muffled booms and pounding from
cannons further away, anti aircraft fire,
occasional gunfire, and mortars; just so we'll
have a change from our steady diet of Katyushas.
So a pleasant summer morning in Kiriat Shmona
Sounds something like this:
I wrote this as the war rolled into its 5th week. I wrote it in bits and snatches, because most of the day goes on my volunteer work, taking cover during the missile alerts, and doing the basic essentials to keep a family going: laundry, meals, the garden, hugging. Several times the siren sounded while I was mid sentence, and I frantically reached for control S and ran downstairs. The shelter has the TV, and we left the computer on the middle floor, which is somewhat protected.
There are many accounts of this war for there are more news crews in town than residents, and every boy has his blog. This account will be somewhat different.
If you enjoyed it, then pass it along; preferably to someone who will publish it and send money, but to friends is also OK. I have my own ideas about what aspects to write about but I welcome questions, too.


Barry Silverberg,
90% of Kiriat Shmona,
August 9, 2006

Recent articles can be found here:
http://hulahhoop.blogspot.com

http://www.etni.org/teachers/barry/barry.htm

New Lamentation for Ninth of Av
http://www.etni.org/teachers/barry/FirstSongforLatestWar.doc


See more Silverbergs live on ITN (yawn! Where's my makeup girl)
. http://www.itn.co.uk/

SILVERBERG FAMILY BRINGS FACE OF WAR TO CNN'S ANDERSON COOPER


GO TO THIS ADDRESS AND SCROLL ALMOST ALL THE WAY DOWN,
TIL YOU FIND AN ITEM "KIDS COLLECT ROCKET FRAGMENTS' OR SOMESUCH


http://edition.cnn.com/SPECIALS/2006/mideast.crisis/video/week4.html