Saturday, September 10, 2005

I have joined the ranks of the bloggers! This is very exciting.
I can put in my (not on ETNI) article. Just the pictures dont come out.

shell fragments, battering, deep wounds, acid… See Inside

Satire by Barry Silverberg,

An indefinite number of IDF soldiers and police who participated in the forced evacuation of Kfar Darom, Sa-nur and other settlements are still receiving hospital treatment while others will continue to undergo intensive therapy. These facts were released today by the security forces Department of Creative Information.
One of the most serious categories of injuries is shell fragments from eggs thrown at them by grief -stricken teenagers. According to Dr Pollette Bentam, chief supervisor of the laundry ward at Ichilove, hospital most of the eggs hurled were of size "2" (American terms, A- regular). "Fragments from size 2 eggs are particularly nasty. They can wedge their way into hair and clothing, and so are extremely problematic to remove."
The anguish of the soldiers was intensified when on Monday, after several weeks of unending action, several members of Golani, frustrated that the delay in the food supply, removed their uniforms and wrung them out in order to fry omelets on the hoods of the bulldozers in the 40 + heat. "These bits of shell, mixing into the batter, become almost unnoticeable. Soldiers who ate the omeletes complained of an unpleasant, gritty feeling between their teeth, rendering them practically useless for combat duties such as hunting small children in olive orchards hair pulling, breaking windows, evicting widows and breaking widows' windows.

Other casualties were caused by epithets and imprecations hurled violently at the security forces by the lawless orange clad resisters. Most seriously injured were high ranking military personnel. Aluf Mishne P. for example, was treated at Assoff Harofeff Hospital for deep wounds to his pride and severe lacerations to the ego. "I was an platoon leader in '82 and currently serve as a Brigade Commander along the Eastern Command. I have been in countless military operations and twice hit by rifle and shrapnel. Last week, as I deployed my twelve hundred troops around the house of a widow and her children, a teenage girl in a long blue skirt shouted, "Gestapo!" I keeled right over. Fortunately, my brave Samech (second in command) walked through the fire of curses and pulled me out of range. I hope they give him a medal."
Others were not so lucky. By far the worst victims were those from acid. Reports of acid first appeared during accounts of the raid on the Neve Dekalim Hotel. Soon every journalist in the country had a newer and stronger acid report. Politicians, Super Models and major goalies, who were just beginning to feel some sympathy for the dazed and homeless evacuees, now grabbed every microphone available to self righteously declaim how the uncontrollable hooligans of the extreme right had gone too far, and the how if you ask them, the faster the houses get torn down the better. The man on the street now believed that the settlers had it coming to them, and the woman on the street agreed but took 200 shekels for the first forty minutes.
Our reporters interviewed the department heads of plastic surgery in the major hospitals, to ask, "How many policemen are still being treated for acid burns and disfigurement?" In most cases, after checking through hundreds of recent admissions from the emergency ward, wagging of many beards and shaking of endless department heads, the answer was, w-e-e-e-l – l maybe twel-- no, nine -- A lot closer to three --. Well, actually a nearly, almost, -- zero. However, in Sirocco, they had a picture of one, for a while, but it turned out to be that ex Lebanese TV anchor person, who had undergone extensive surgery in 1997 after her jealous husband burned her face away.

What then, spurred the flurry of acid reports? We located Adi Billit, one of the first on the spot reporters to scoop the acid story. She staunchly defended the accuracy and integrity of her report: "Some of the guys had bottles of Ritspaz. They were getting desperate, so they poured it down. When I used to do sponja, I remember that that can really sting, if it gets in your eyes. Then there was the orange juice. A few days before the checkpoints got really tight, one of the moshavim sent in crates of orange popsicles and cans of orange juice. So, up on the roofs, there was a lot of orange juice. They saw how the policemen were dehydrating down below, so they shared what they had. Orange juice has citric acid, so I was telling the truth. So there!" Billit hotly denied that, at the journalists big "Disengagement Party" in Ashdod the night before, a lot of acid of another sort was passed around, along with other presents from police hi-ups. She debunked as 'infantile' one reporter from HaAretz who was heard to report, "They got us soooooooo mellow that we could hardly repeat what the government wanted us to say!"

Note: The following site you can see victims who were disfigured by acid. Go look. I haven't got the heart to paste the picture in here.
According to current statistics, even by news sources who trumpeted the 'acid- from- the- roof tops story ' from –er- the rooftops, the number of verified acid victims among security forces during the disengagement averages out to nearly 0.0000000000000000000000000000000000000000.

Kiriat Shmona, September 4, 2005