Hi everyone.

Here is my latest piece, THE NAME THAT WAR WIENERS

SOON it will be available as a link, but so far it is just a document with all the colour and fonts edited out. But at least you have some thing for shabbat.






Yes, my friends in the studio audience:

Time to announce the winners your favorite game,

NAME
THAT
WAR!!




Update: As you recall, Israel went to war last month so unprepared that the government never remembered to declare it or announce a state of war. So what did we have in the shelter for five weeks? Chopped liver? My liver certainly feels chopped. And so does the rest of me.

Anyway, I'm sure you remember that I was horrified that we were in a war without a name. I've often seen a name without a war but etc etc etc etc…

So I singlehandedly sprang into action and dealt with the emergency in the best way possible. I immediately notified my broker to liquidate all my stocks in anything Israeli or American, and buy Iranian!

No, that was the Chief of Stuff. ( Some of us thought he was made of better stuff than that, but the rest of us knew he was stuffed all along.)
What I did was to announce the contest that would give this war a name. To help you all out, I printed a list of all the military and quasi military wars, operations, campains that we fought in the past. ( Except for some of the covert operations, like Moshe Dayan, Operation Hide the Salami, or the long running Operation Vilify the Patriots.)

So, who won? Not the war, we all know that, unfortunately. (but we did come in second). Who won the 'Name That War' contest?


THIRD PRIZE DAVID DIAMOND, CANADA WITH

"PREPARATION 'H'"
(Hammas, Hizbollah, Hemmoroidal; pains in the rectum all, and the war was supposed to cure them.)

SECOND PRIZE
Goes to RUNDTANZ P KALTVASSER with
"מלחמת חצי גמר"


CONDOLATION PRICE:
Richard Steinetz with

'SHITTY SHITTY BANG BANG'

AND, NOW THE WINNER!




' THE TOLD-YA- SO WAR!'
Submitted by B. Arisilv and R. Berg
מלחמת אמרתי'ך

EXCUSE ME SIR.
YES?
I'M FROM 'JACKAL NEWS.' ISN'T THIS NAME ONE YOU MADE UP YOURSELF?
So?
YOU GAVE A CONTEST BUT THE PRIZE WAS RIGGED IN ADVANCE.
SO?
DON'T YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN? DID THE MAYOR OF KIRIAT SHMONA HAVE A PROBLEM PUTTING HIS FAMILY, HIS EX WIFE'S FAMILY, AND ALL HIS FRIENDS AND CRONIES INTO 5 STAR HOTELS FOR A MONTH WHILE THE POOR FOLK ROTTED IN SHELTERS?
NO.
DID DAN HALUTZ HAVE A PROBLEM ARRANGING HIS INVESTMENT PORTFOLIO AS THOUSANDS OF SOLDIERS WERE RUSHING TO THE FRONT?
NO.
DID THE SHELTERS OF TSFAT HAVE KEYS?
Well, not really.
See? We're living in an I told-ya so universe!


/BARRY SILVERBERG OUT OF THE SHELTER
KIRIAT SHMONA LITE (ONLY 86%)
18.8

And to all you people in the north who went through hell for five weeks and need posttrauma activities, the government has this for you:





Why does this pastrauma
taste like the same old baloney?

/Barry Silverberg, Kiriat Shmona Lite, 87%



Coming soon: The "Told ya so war" theme song:

To the tune of " Dayenu"

Preview: When we gave back Sinai,
Told ya so, didn’t' I
They'd come back for the whole pie,
1 Told-ya so!
ANGUISHED Chorous:

told ya so, Told ya so, Told ya so, I could have told ya so!
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