Sunday, March 19, 2006


. , 25 Berl Street
. Hamaktesh Hanamooh
DN This land is my land
. Israel
. March 12, 2006
The Supreme Being
Heavenly Throne 1 (and only,)
The World to Come
PoB Western Wall,
Hole 7487

Dear Our Father, Our King,

I would like to apply for an accommodation (hatamma) as specified in the body of this letter.
I am a 54 year old Ashenazi male living in a border development town. I immigrated from Canada at the age of 18 and am now employed as a teacher of English.
Ever since childhood, I have been plagued by feelings of inadequacy and failure. My mother sent me to Frankel's store with a shopping list, and if I returned at all, it was with a totally different set of items. In school, I could not catch a ball so I stayed an outsider from all the games. When mixed dances began in fourth grade, my feet would not co operate and I never knew what to say to befriend the girls.
And so it went, through high school, army service and university. While everybody agreed that I was bright and talented, I never seemed to get anywhere. As an English speaker in Israel, I drifted through a series of jobs and finally ended up an English teacher in a school where they would take you if you could recite the ABC, and they weren't overly particular if you got the vowels right.

As I was by this time married and a father to several youngsters, I had no choice but to make an effort. I worked hard at my job to stay employed, and by lesson by lesson learned the tricks of the trade. The years saw many setbacks, emotional and financial, but I eventually built up a decent reputation as a teacher . Today I am proud of the family that I helped raise and provide for.

Not long ago, while doing an in-service course about learning disabilities, I decided to take some tests. I never thought of doing so before, as I was always a voracious reader and exams --especially in language and literature -- were always easy for me. To my surprise, I was diagnosed as 'EDF' : Executive DysFunction, a disorder that affects the owner's ability to plan and execute actions, and which described my situation perfectly.
I realize that, as you are Omniscient there is no need for me to quote the literature, however, Kristin S Knight puts it forward so clearly it’s a shame not to:
People who have Executive Dysfunction tend to develop pretty negative beliefs about their ability in the areas where their problems are most visible where their dysfunction shows up the most. They -- Have difficulty with goal setting, often not grasping the point of setting them -- Have difficulty overriding an emotion in order to behave appropriately or positively in a situation -- Have very low tolerance for failure or frustration. Will quit rather than try another approach, even when one is suggested. --Tend to believe that accepting suggestions or help indicates weakness. -- Tend to locate the source of their troubles outside their control. --Have difficulty putting a sequence of steps in order, or even realizing that there are sub-goals to be accomplished on the way to the finish. -- Need prompting to consider the feelings or views of others --Fail to see the big picture, or the connections between details --See only the big picture, missing the trees for the forest.

Now that I had a handle on the problem, I forged ahead. After countless sessions of intensive coaching and months of personality reframing, I feel that I am finally getting to where I should have been at the age of 28. Seeing as my basic genetic/neurological makeup was granted to me by Your Divine Providence, I humbly request the accommodation of time extension (toseffet zman). According to my calculations, another 26 years should just about do it, that is, bring me up to where I should have been, and putting me on par with my contemporaries who did not suffer from this disability.
Of course, in your Divine Generosity, YOU could round it up to 30.
I have no objection in receiving this time in yearly installments of six months each, starting from this fiscal year.
I am prepared to meet with you at any convenient time to discuss this matter further. Shabbat is right out, probably for you as well; perhaps toward the middle of the week during Shacharit?

B William

CC: Malachi Movit, Chief Executor, Death Angels Inc,
Ms Limor Livnat, Director, Ministry of Education, Sport, Culture and Redundancy
Ms Judy Steiner, Chief Inspector of English


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